Thanks to “Visitor” for the comment on my writing style. I feel special now.

It’s a lovely sunny and damn hot day, but I’m stuck inside for now until about 3, where my friend should normally finally arrive so we can go out for a walk. In the meantime, I’m here sweating on a computer beside that 30-something guy who can’t help dragging me and telling me that oh my god I type sooo fast.

Whenever I go on the computer in school, to wisely pretend I am doing my homework, I see that my layout seems to be quite off in the 800×600 Internet Explorer that my school has. But I realize the problem mustn’t be myself. Jem (with a previous layout) and Jim’s websites, at least, seem to have the same problem. There is space on the right for the sidebar, but the sidebar in itself is moved way down the page, below the content area. The problem, for me, seems to be only in the pages with the Wordpress header.

I’m finishing school tomorrow, which in one way makes me happy. In another way, however, I know that this means I might not see V again for a very, very long time. I finally got to talk to him after about two weeks of failed attempts. I told him that Camille, a friend of mine, asked me how much I loved him and my replied pretty much meant “a lot”. I also told him I was ready to wait for a very long time. He said that he could wait too - he loves another girl, or so he says - and that he needs to sort things out in his head. He does indeed look confused…He doesn’t know what he’ll do for a living. He applied to study in order to become a pilot, but hasn’t gotten a reply yet. I’m uncertain as of whether I want him to go or not. If he goes, I lose him because he’s in a city where I have no reason whatsoever to go, and if he stays I lose him because he’s staying close to this goddamn girl whom, by the way, has a boyfriend.

School’s almost over! It was about time…somehow.

I have never been a big fan of doing homeworks. There’s however one thing I despise above all, those damn homeworks where you have to talk about yourself. Tell me about calculating the integral of a function or about writing a short text on the ancient Mayans. But don’t fucking tell me to talk about how I have evolved as a student since I entered college, what factors I believe have helped me during my training or what are my views on love. These are things I don’t want to tell my teachers.

I am still doing 75×50 codes…I have about one third done. When you have joined over 3500, two thirds left is a whole lot.

Already May 20th (I accidently wrote Mad at first). Time is passing by too quickly.

Back in February, I had gone to the hospital. Shortly after, I got a phone call saying my case (that is, my mental state) had been judged as prioritary by the staff. So, as it was an emergency, I got an appointment for May 1st. I’ve seen the psychoeducator (is this an English word?) twice alone and once with my parents. I’ve seen her again along with the psychiatrist last Thursday, again with my parents. I’m quite optimistic because, although they’re still saying I must take my pills, they are talking about real strategies to get rid of my fears, reduce my anxiety and help me reduce my compulsions.

Speaking of compulsions, I am converting my joined fanlistings to 75×50 buttons. That’s fucking long.

My mom hires a woman every year to clean the walls and ceilings. She did my room, of course, and she turned it into a mess. Not a mess as in what my mom would consider a mess, but as in different. She exchanged my two clothes bureaus - I don’t care whether bureau is the right word, - she turned another piece of furniture around, making the drawers face my bed, making it impossible to search for anything in them without climbing on my bed, she moved my bed table way off the bed near the window, and she moved my books all over my bookcase. They are all lined up, but they are not where they belong.

I have projects for this site. During the summer, I’ll redo the entire content from scratch, reducing the amount of pages and adding more writings, and I’ll completely change the layout. I’d like to try something more unique and closer to nature. I’ll quite probably be using pictures I’ve taken.

My sleep is really weird…I can’t fall asleep at night, and I sleep until very late the next day. I woke up at noon this morning, which was not my intention. Yesterday, I had troubles falling asleep because I started crying when I thought that summer was coming soon and that I had risks of never seeing Vincent again.

I’m in a pretty bad mood today, which is something that hasn’t happened for some time. I’ve been in a rather good and optimistic mood. Even after I learned bad, bad news. My best friend is taking part in the Katimavik program, which ends on July 5th. The other day, she told me she did not intend to come back on July 5th. She had projects furhter away. She’s leaving with a guy she met while she was gone. Son of a bitch. I’m losing the guy I love, my best friend, the new friends I had made myself, my home, my habits all at the same time. Wonderful.

I went really down the next day, crying at school and all. But guess how I was two days after learning? Smiling again like…like a girl who has no reason to cry, whereas I do have reasons to.

It appears I also have good reasons to babble, so I’ll shut up now.